I have learned that you can love someone for who they are, but that doesn't always mean that they will return that. You can give all you have to give, but that doesn't mean that they will understand quite what is is that you need. I was reading a book today that really resonated with me. It seemed to strike that nerve that I have always known was there, yet chose to suppress which is that you can't save everybody. Especially when that person doesn't feel that they need saving. I am grateful that I have Rob who understands how hard it is to overcome my need to please everyone else, at the expense of myself on occasion.
Overall, the past year and a half to two years have probably been the hardest of my life. Yet, while some of it was self-perpetuated, I would not ask to go back and change anything nor to do it over as I have learned a lot both in general as well as about myself. I have learned just what I am capable of doing and handling. I have learned how strong I am and that I step up and do what I feel is needed without a secong thought. This period also resulted in a group of people believeing that I don't sleep as I was the last one to go to bed and the first one up, but I was the one holding everything together. I had to cry in private so that I could help everyone else keep it together. I have learned that certain actions which make me realize the importance of certain things, can be viewed as a bad thing by others involved. I have learned just what it takes to keep me happy. I have also learned just what I expect out from others... if you don't agree, find the door. I have learned that while I got bored, yet still persevered with what needed to be done, it was noticed by others and ultimately, resulted in a promotion. I have been reminded that the littlest things make me happy... I am also pretty sure that I was destined to be a redhead as I find myself to be at my happiest as such.
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