And yet the days go on.... when it rains- it really fucking pours. I am completely at ease with all the fucked-upedness that is my emotional state. I know it unnerves some people with how irrationally calm I can be and how little certain things seem to affect me, but if only they knew all the drama that plays out in my head... I was recently told I was too nice... after thinking about the past two years of my life I am inclined to agree. I put up too much of myself and offered way too much for what I got in return. How dare he try to make me feel as though everything is my fault and that I am a quitter. How dare he even try to say I never did anything for him. How dare he even entertain the notion that I gave up at the drop of a hat. I agonized for months over it and now that I acted upon things, he acts as though I never bothered to try. Well here's my resounding Fuck You Buddy! It's your loss. I have been emotionally absent for quite some time now, and yet it took me physically moving out for him to even notice that anything was going on. WTF? I am resolute in my decision. I am sorry for making him feel bad, but my own happiness and state of being comes first, I have now decided. If he has a problem with that and has just now realized all of this, too damn bad... Too little, to late!
On the other current tangent of my mind, family drama has thus ensued today. Mom isn't having a good day and the events from earlier today are now weighing on everyone's minds. Everyone's in a tizzy and I once again volunteered for more than I ever would have were I not guiltd into it. Damn my urge to please people!
FUCK IT ALL!!! ;)
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