Hidin' Behind a Rainbow's Wall

So after almost three months of official parent/family drama, I still don't know how to make heads or tails out of any of it. I still feel as though I get caught in the middle. I know that it is completely unintentional, but at the same time, I feel as though it is unavoidable. I know that some actions were a long time coming and that changes need to be made on all parts, but I still can't help but feel betrayed. I am an adult and I know with every ounce of my being that nothing is my fault and that it does not "concern" me, yet it shatters parts of my world and up-ends so many other things that how can it not affect me. I know that there is a lot of anger and resentment on all parts, but I personally feel stuck. I do not fault anyone anything, but fear that I will have to help pick up the pieces. I know that family members are being supportive, but that does not help me in the lease as there is no way for anyone else at all to be impartial in the way that I need. I know that there is noting really that I can do at this point, but I still can't really think about it without getting kind of sick. Maybe some day I will get to be the big girl I portray on the outside instead of feeling like the scared little girl on the inside.